Saturday, March 24, 2012
Outside Looking In
Nobody who isn't here understands the sense of
frustration and helplessness at not being capable of
finding a solution to your own problems...(yet)
....at not being able to earn your keep, or pay your
own way. At not having a clear sense of purpose or
an outline to your day when you awake in the morning.
No matter how sympathetic and compassionate,
those not going through it don't feel the sense of failure
and disappointment in self...the sense and fear of not
being complete, or for we men, being a 'real man.'
No one knows what the crushing despair of not
having a schedule to adhere to, not knowing what the
future will bring, not having a sense of continuity will
do to you.
And the longer it goes on, the worse it gets.
You feel judged and 'less than' wherever you go,
as if the most basic task is something you can't
The job skills, and the people skills, and the interaction
skills all get rusty. Without use, nervousness and doubt
further sets in. People keep asking if you haven't found
work yet, as if you wouldn't be telling them about your
new job if in fact you had one.
Do they have one for you? No, of course not. But they
still want to know all about it. Certainly you just haven't
looked in all the places; they hear there are jobs out
there. Here come 100 or so questions to make sure
you've been giving it your all. All old news.
All annoying as shit.
You get your hopes up, they get knocked down.
Other less qualified folks get jobs you applied for.
Rude customer service reps keep their jobs, somehow.
What exactly are people looking for, anyhow?
You have less and less in common with other people
who do work. They avoid you because your joblessness
is depressing and they don't know what to say. If they
eat out, they're afraid you'll mooch or not have the
money to go, so the invites stop coming.
So, everything changes.
Head high, no matter the feeling.
Best foot forward, no matter the frustration.
Faith in self, if nothing else.
Ask for help when needed; pride is a worthless virtue.
Accept less than you were hoping for, if need be.
Survival comes at a price, but it beats the alternative.
Believe it or not, here comes a chance at major growth.