True Gritting of the Teeth

Men are expected to carry their weight, be dependent on no one,
never show weakness or vulnerability, and carry the load not
just for themselves, but others too.

Even as options dry up and possibilities wither, much demand is
placed squarely on the shoulders of men.

For us, a lack of independence, a loss of our prior status quo,
and an inability to provide for our basic needs can feel like
absolutely fatal losses. But still, all in all, they are merely obstacles.

In this battle, our thoughts and outlooks have to be realigned.
Giving ourselves a break does not mean giving up the fight.

It's just a tightening of the belt, a restructuring of priorities...
learning to allow for our humanness. The added stress of beating
ourselves up or feeling 'less than' is not helpful or healthy. You are
more than simply a provider; Accept that.

Situations change. Abilities lessen.
We have to stop trying to be superhuman all the time, and realize
that we don't win every hand. We have to cut ourselves a break.

Let go of the lost image, the expectations, the imagined gossip.
It is what it is.
We do what we have to do.
Survival isn't pretty, but it's of utmost importance.

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Reminder Notes

You are

STRONG

enough

to endure

absolutely

Everything

that you

encounter...

Even if

you have not

realized

it yet.

You Are More Than Your Past Limitations

Stamina's the thing.

It may be 100 "No's" for every one "Yes."

The changes in lifestyle may be drastic.

You might need to endure 100 false leads for every one option
that even leads to a second interview or shows promise.

Developing and maintaining Stamina, Fortitude,  & Perseverance.
These are your jobs now.

Strengthening and developing  muscles beyond what you ever
thought possible.

Don't take it personally.

Stay calm.

It is what it is.

Transformation isn't for breaking you; it's for making you stronger.

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Eyes on the Prize

Don't let 'them' diminish you. During your Waiting Game, you
have to stay (or get) in fighting form, keep your spirits up, and
keep your eyes on the prize.

You cannot be reduced to the sum of this bump-in-the-road,
no matter how often or how vehemently others attempt to do so.

Don't succumb to the lesser notions or the dimmer visions of
you that others all-too-quickly glom on to.

Keeping yourself physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally
fit may be harder than ever, but it must be your Number One
priority; even if work doesn't come, you need to maintain your
top condition and be prepared for whatever does.

Living well really is the best revenge, and it takes constant training.

******************************************************

Begging and Choosing

People have assumptions about both the giver--
and receiver--of assistance.

Be sure to weigh carefully the actual need versus convenience of a
handout when accepting charity of any sort. Nothing is ever actually
free.

Unless you're truly desperate, don't open yourself up as needy or
in dire straits to those in charge of doling out the handouts.
(There's a difference between asking for references, job openings,
or being hired as a favor, as opposed to something tangible like food
or cash.)

Everybody has an angle they're working and an agenda in mind, and
that includes people volunteering/working at a charitable organization.
For some, it's a desire to feel superior to others, for others, it's a want
of finding out the business of people in the community.

Sometimes, maintaining a psychological edge over opponents,
potential bosses, former co-workers, neighbors, etc. is a means of
keeping not only dignity but the upper hand for future business dealings.
Reputation still has its uses.

Just be aware of the dilemma and weigh your options carefully.
You surely don't want to end up the target of gossip, speculation, or
having your personal business bandied about town, especially in a smaller
community. There is no understanding of anonymity or common courtesy
requisite in any agency's dealings, especially a church's.

In a small town in particular, it's easy to have folks fall in love with the
notion of labelling you a 'poor thing' or refer to you as 'pitiful.'
"His luck is so bad; don't you know I saw him down at the church
getting rotten fruit!"  Avoiding such irreversible mindsets is preferable,
if you can help it.

People will pigeon-hole you and write you off any chance they get.
Don't let them.

(And of course the other side is "Fuck 'em whatever they think or
have to say!" But not everyone is ready for that!)

***************************************************

Kevin Renick Performs "Up In The Air"

Just caught this movie the other day--which was quite good, by the way-- and
it contained this fantastic song about the difficulty of being 'inbetween' jobs and
the psychological transitioning that takes place. Good stuff.

The movie on whole was quite good; not entirely joblessness related, but
it had a good bit of the plot dealing with how people take firing, and how
widespread a trend it has become. Some of the interviews and such were quite
good and relatable.

The movie did deal with reexamining one's place in life, priorities, growing up
fast, finding your own path, etc., so in many ways it's a great flick for facing
uncertainty, whether it be joblessness or middle age or other life change.

"Don't Get it Twisted"

The desire to self-medicate (or let oneself go) can be pretty
strong when so much of your world is spinning out of control.

The only thing left to do after countless, seemingly pointless
interviews, business start-ups, networking, and applying for
work can seem to be something that will make us 'feel better'
and, hopefully, distract from the harshness of reality. (Or,
in many cases, the surreal, subjective sense of 'reality' we are
burdened by in our fugue state.)

You feel shitty on the insides, so letting the outside reflect
it (or not even noticing it's happening) can sneak up on you.

But our obligation is to self, and health and care of self.
While short-term stress relievers can alleviate the distorted
image of ourselves we develop from constant rejection and
(perceived) failure, the long-term effects don't serve us in the
least.

While I have maintained my sobriety and stayed clean from
drugs, the temptation to 'treat' myself with unhealthy foods
as a quick-fix comfort solution has been a difficult beast to
tame. And of course, bad eating habits spiral into bad sleeping,
bad body chemistry, sluggishness, and more. We can do
ourselves far more harm than good.

I find myself channeling the old Bette Midler skit;
"Why bother ?!"

Same for being sedentary and not keeping our body in
shape, active, etc. We feel the effects of that. Our depression
may keep us from feeling a desire to participate, but our
knowledge of what's best has to rouse us from our slumber.

It's basic, and easier said than done;
*Keeping up appearance and hygiene.
*Keeping active.
*Staying connected to people as much as possible
   (or finding new contacts!)
*Moderate eating
*Keeping spirits up with positive activity, music, thoughts
*Moderate alcohol consumption (or abstaining if you have
     issues.)
*And I would caution people to stay away from any drug
    proclivities all together; between cost, risk of addiction
    and dependence, and effects on work readiness, it's
    just a disaster waiting to happen.
*Processing emotions through therapy, journaling, blogging,
   online support groups, etc; Don't hang on to it all!

Sometimes the act of taking care of self has to be implemented
before we feel like taking care of self.

Treat yourself right and start today; whether or not the work
is forthcoming, you still have to live in your body!

(And obviously, the better you take care of yourself, the more
likely hiring or starting up a business is, compared to the alterna-
tive of letting yourself go!)
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