True Gritting of the Teeth

Men are expected to carry their weight, be dependent on no one,
never show weakness or vulnerability, and carry the load not
just for themselves, but others too.

Even as options dry up and possibilities wither, much demand is
placed squarely on the shoulders of men.

For us, a lack of independence, a loss of our prior status quo,
and an inability to provide for our basic needs can feel like
absolutely fatal losses. But still, all in all, they are merely obstacles.

In this battle, our thoughts and outlooks have to be realigned.
Giving ourselves a break does not mean giving up the fight.

It's just a tightening of the belt, a restructuring of priorities...
learning to allow for our humanness. The added stress of beating
ourselves up or feeling 'less than' is not helpful or healthy. You are
more than simply a provider; Accept that.

Situations change. Abilities lessen.
We have to stop trying to be superhuman all the time, and realize
that we don't win every hand. We have to cut ourselves a break.

Let go of the lost image, the expectations, the imagined gossip.
It is what it is.
We do what we have to do.
Survival isn't pretty, but it's of utmost importance.

*********************************************

Reminder Notes

You are

STRONG

enough

to endure

absolutely

Everything

that you

encounter...

Even if

you have not

realized

it yet.

Whatever it Takes

There may be lots of settling and falling short on the way to where you
want to be.

In this new game, this new economic landscape, you may have to
take any and all opportunities that present themselves, no matter how
far from the ideal they fall short.

I have had yard sales, done temp work, done seasonal work that
was definitely outside my comfort zone, have worked under the table
3 hours a day, have worked one day jobs, and have been used as a taxi
in order to make money since losing regular employment.

I signed up and jumped through hoops to substitute teach, drove an
hour-and-a-half round trip in an unreliable vehicle to make it to a
minimum wage job (multiple times breaking down en route,) borrowed
money for gas, got work clothes from a charitable agency, and played
politics to get my ass asked back.

I have started more businesses than I can count, making blogs and
business cards and fliers to advertise them; pimping myself out as yard
man, jack-of-some-trades, babysitter, elder sitter, tutor, cook, writer,
and whatever else I can.

I have helped write papers for college students, consulted on a web
comic, appeared in films, done stand-up comedy, submitted my scripts
and poetry and articles, and done everything I can possibly imagine
to make ends meet.

In short, I have thrown everything I have at the wall to see what will
stick. It's an ongoing effort and struggle to keep my spirit up and not
just lie down and give in.

You never know when the next effort will be the one that sustains you
for a little while longer. Which one may lead to something better in the
future. It's not easy to find long-lasting or ideal; we may have to change
the outlook and adjust the expectations and standards. Tough as it is,
you can do it.

*******************************************************

The Way it Goes

"The rich get rich, and the poor get poorer."

That's a pretty universal conceit. Perhaps even a

physics lesson, I imagine, with the energy behind

loss generating more loss, and vice versa with winning.

Or maybe it's just psychological?

I feel that's more likely. Once a man's deterioration

(or fall from grace) has begun, everything seems to

'magically' sync up to head that same direction,

even exacerbating the process...at least for a time.

The universe is merciless, and 'fate' is blind to all men.

You get what you get, and you get what you're willing

to fight for. But behind magical thinking like

'the meek inheriting the earth' is the reality that

money is very important to all aspects of life.

Once we start losing it, despair and lack of confidence

can start in, distracting and running us down.

No one wants to back a loser, and people fear the

idea of poverty being contagious almost as much as they

fear actual illness. Maybe more.

So rats desert the sinking ship, sending another

message of unworthiness, now weighing still heavier.

Inability to eat out ends several friendships,

ends the social connections that led to more work,

ends the public persona of viability, and so on.

Disparity seems to attract more of the same.

Emotionally, psychologically, financially.

And of course we know the reverse is true.

People knock one another down to get next to

a rich man, hoping to be ingratiated to him and

be granted either reward or similar fate.

Don't make more of it than it is;

at the end of the day, we make our own luck.

And there's plenty to be said for drive,

ingenuity, and fierceness.

"Not giving up" may be the only skill

we ever truly need.

****