Outside Looking In

Nobody who isn't here understands the sense of
frustration and helplessness at not being capable of
finding a solution to your own problems...(yet)

....at not being able to earn your keep, or pay your
own way. At not having a clear sense of purpose or
an outline to your day when you awake in the morning.

No matter how sympathetic and compassionate,
those not going through it don't feel the sense of failure
and disappointment in self...the sense and fear of not
being complete, or for we men, being a 'real man.'

No one knows what the crushing despair of not
having a schedule to adhere to, not knowing what the
future will bring, not having a sense of continuity will
do to you.

And the longer it goes on, the worse it gets.

You feel judged and 'less than' wherever you go,
as if the most basic task is something you can't
accomplish.

The job skills, and the people skills, and the interaction
skills all get rusty. Without use, nervousness and doubt
further sets in. People keep asking if you haven't found
work yet, as if you wouldn't be telling them about your
new job if in fact you had one.

Do they have one for you? No, of course not. But they
still want to know all about it. Certainly you just haven't
looked in all the places; they hear there are jobs out
there. Here come 100 or so questions to make sure
you've been giving it your all. All old news.
All annoying as shit.

You get your hopes up, they get knocked down.
Other less qualified folks get jobs you applied for.
Rude customer service reps keep their jobs, somehow.
What exactly are people looking for, anyhow?

You have less and less in common with other people
who do work. They avoid you because your joblessness
is depressing and they don't know what to say. If they
eat out, they're afraid you'll mooch or not have the
money to go, so the invites stop coming.

Everything changes.

So, everything changes.

Head high, no matter the feeling.
Best foot forward, no matter the frustration.
Faith in self, if nothing else.
Ask for help when needed; pride is a worthless virtue.
Reassess priorities.
Accept less than you were hoping for, if need be.
Readjust.

Survival comes at a price, but it beats the alternative.

Believe it or not, here comes a chance at major growth.

Get ready.

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It's Blinders, Not Blindness

These times may seem insurmountable.

They aren't.

This can seem like the end of the road...

It isn't.

Dreams can crumble,

old friends are disappearing,

hope is a rare commodity

(or perhaps even a distant memory.)

Survival...merely staying afloat...

can seem a strangely unattainable and

even undesirable notion.

("How will this ever work out?")

Ideas don't seem to manifest,

'nothing' seems to bear results,

opportunities seem to have ended.

But, this...this is NOT the end.

Your view is distorted by the experiences

you have endured. By the surroundings

you are 'stuck' in now.

Right now, no end is in sight.

The outcomes seem dark and unavoidable.

Everything seems lost.

But there is a tomorrow...there is possibility.

There are options and choices and chances

that, right now, you are not even capable

of imagining in your current

state of despair.

But even this...this struggle

and helpless sensation

and fear..

is giving you something you can use.

If only you can hang on, and believe,

and persevere.

And you can...

you can do it, even if you don't yet know it.

You are about to discover just how strong

and courageous you are...but it will take

being nearly destroyed for it to happen.

Push on.

This is a new life, a new chapter,

a new understanding.

Be open to the changes, without giving up.

Some day, you will find yourself,

as I have, with a new perspective

and an ability to transcend... that

gives you hope and appreciation

you cannot imagine...

from where you stand now.

***

"Nickel & Dimed" by Barbara Ehrenreich

As the subtitle suggests, this is a book

about how the American workforce is

not making it on the minimum wage

American nightmare.

It details in exhausting scrutiny how

companies and corporations have us

all behind the eight ball.

If you're already in trouble, it may

not be able to serve as warning, but

sometimes the simple act of

hearing that others know, understand, and

have experienced similar difficulties

can be therapeutic.

Available at most libraries as

book or audio book.

There is strength in numbers.

****

Michael Franti & Spearhead - "Sound of Sunshine" (ft. Jovanotti)

A little Monday morning pick-me-up and inspiration
for me and my jobless (or underpaid) brothers and
sisters.  Don't give up on the finer points.

'Down' is not 'out'.
Stand strong.

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The Way it Goes

"The rich get rich, and the poor get poorer."

That's a pretty universal conceit. Perhaps even a

physics lesson, I imagine, with the energy behind

loss generating more loss, and vice versa with winning.

Or maybe it's just psychological?

I feel that's more likely. Once a man's deterioration

(or fall from grace) has begun, everything seems to

'magically' sync up to head that same direction,

even exacerbating the process...at least for a time.

The universe is merciless, and 'fate' is blind to all men.

You get what you get, and you get what you're willing

to fight for. But behind magical thinking like

'the meek inheriting the earth' is the reality that

money is very important to all aspects of life.

Once we start losing it, despair and lack of confidence

can start in, distracting and running us down.

No one wants to back a loser, and people fear the

idea of poverty being contagious almost as much as they

fear actual illness. Maybe more.

So rats desert the sinking ship, sending another

message of unworthiness, now weighing still heavier.

Inability to eat out ends several friendships,

ends the social connections that led to more work,

ends the public persona of viability, and so on.

Disparity seems to attract more of the same.

Emotionally, psychologically, financially.

And of course we know the reverse is true.

People knock one another down to get next to

a rich man, hoping to be ingratiated to him and

be granted either reward or similar fate.

Don't make more of it than it is;

at the end of the day, we make our own luck.

And there's plenty to be said for drive,

ingenuity, and fierceness.

"Not giving up" may be the only skill

we ever truly need.

****

Keep On Keeping On

Those pioneer folk who picked up everything and moved west
for the idea of possibility--that's a real motivator.

We can say "Oh, those were different times." But that doesn't
deny the stamina and fighting spirit that had to be utilized by
those folks in daring to try. In undertaking the physical demands
of the exhausting trip. Of facing the unknown dangers, alone.

We have that spirit in us. We have become softened in many
respects in our modern world, and our fighting spirit may have
to first take the form of simply not laying down to die.

The emotional pressures of dealing with loss of job, loss of
security, loss of our prized possessions, (possibly even the
loss of friends and family as we face our ordeal) cannot be
the only thing we see when we look at our lives.

This is one way in which the capitalist world has ruined us;
reinforcing our worth via materialism and consumerism.
We are so much more than the sum of our bank accounts
and the size of our toys, but we have lost sight of that because
we bought into what society prizes and promotes.

Leaning survival skills may first include learning to care
about ourselves in the first place; learning to respect life as
it is, for what it is, and not remaining invested in popularity
and affluence. We may first have to train ourselves to want
to live, even without all the trappings of what others told us
were important. Embracing wherever we are, now.

In this new economy, many of us are having to branch out
on our own, penniless and devoid of any promises, discovering
that fighting spirit within for the very first time.

Bon voyage! There is greatness in you. May you discover
it on the journey.

***********************************************

Adjustments

Even some of us who started off in what was considered the middle class
or lower middle class had some things in common with the upper class;
we were not accustomed to going without, in all likelihood.

We were used to eating pretty decently and participating in many of
the things that everyone else did. Perhaps, in some cases, to our own
detriment. We were spoiled to a way of life we didn't imagine would end.

Tough times have not been a part of many Americans' vocabulary.
A huge aspect of our society is consumerism and plenitude. We were
not accustomed to not having what we wanted. We were spoiled.

The idea, and reality, of having to buckle down and do without is a
new one for many of us. And it's quite the shock to the system.

Having to tough it up and pull ourselves up by the bootstraps may
just be a new component of the landscape, but how do many of us
(for whom this new way of life is unnerving and unexpected) make
the transition?

It isn't as though being frugal, spending-conscious, and giving up
on material possessions are things we were taught in school!

(On a side note; Why do we learn so few basic, necessary,
life skills in our schools? We know most of us aren't learning
anything of value at home!)

So, perhaps the first step is breaking through the psychological
barriers that prevent us from realizing that life has changed dynamic-
ally and we need to follow suit with our mindset and actions.
That can be more severe than it might sound. There're a lifetime
of old habits to overcome for some of us.

So this is the beginning; accepting that the old is done, whether
temporarily or permanently, and we have to adjust to a new
way of doing things. Deep breath. We can do this.

*************************************************